It's Okay.

Today is one of those days where I can recognise my weakness showing through. My stomach is nervous, my mind is running a million miles an hour, and my hands shake. It's days like this that I find it hard to focus on my fitness and eating because my mind is telling me I am not okay and that I do not like what I look like, but shouldn't this be more incentive to train instead of sitting on the couch eating ice-cream. You would think would you?! 

For some reason this week I feel insignificant. I want to prove myself wrong. I want to belong. I want to be loved. I want to bring a light into someones life. I want to be seen as unique, as important and as the one thing someone is missing. You may say your dreaming and maybe I am but one day I know I will feel like I have achieved all this but until then its myself I am working on. You can't expect anyone else to live for you and despite my moments of feeling down the most important thing is that when I'm okay I live and I live for myself because no one else will do that for me. 

Here's an example of how my mind runs away during these times. Do you ever wonder what people think of you when they meet you? Do you ever wonder what your first impression on the people around you is? I do, all the time. I just hope that I come across the way I want to, as a unique individual who has a lot to offer the world. 

The hardest part about this mind games I play with myself is that no matter how self conscious i feel it is the only thing that makes me feel better and be able to push through to the next day, and a fresh morning. 

So here I am eating ice cream and watching my all time favourite movie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. The first time I read this book I fell in love. It helped me through a very tough time and showed me that it is okay to struggle and to feel like you don't belong. It is okay because one day you will find friends who understand you and can pick you up when you are down. It is okay because everyone falls sometimes. The important thing is that you get back up! As the book says, you may feel down or the odd one out sometimes but when you finally feel like you belong everything will be okay and you will be infinite. 

Can It Last Forever?

Do you ever find yourself in a phrase of your life where everything seems to be going right, so right that it seems too good to be true? I constantly find myself in these phases, although usually it isn't until something shocks me that I realise it simply was too good for too long. 

Things are not meant to be perfect. As Harlan Ellison says "For without pain, there can be no pleasure. Without sadness, there can be no happiness. Without misery there can be no beauty." Or as the talented Passenger says "only need the light when it's burning low, Only miss the sun when it starts to snow, Only know you love her when you let her go, Only know you've been high when you're feeling low, Only hate the road when you’re missin' home."

Although we try to stay away from pain and sadness and live in infinite happiness, it simply is not possible. The most important thing is to remember that you are simply feeling the way you are because out there somewhere, something will show you a feeling that directly contrasts the one you feel now, and that is why it is worth it. 

When i'm down there is one word that can bring me back to life. Believe. Believe in your inner strength, believe in a better world, and believe in the life you are given. 

Believe.

Most people are stronger than they know they just forget to believe in it sometimes . .

If you dream it, and truly believe it, you can achieve it.

A New Year Resolution. .

Every year this night comes around - the night when everyone stays up all night and drinks with their closest friends to bring in a new year, a fresh start. It is meant to the one of the best nights of the year, but somehow the night always seem to be below average and dripping with disappointment. After the morning Ive had I have decided that my day, and the night to come can only go up hill from here. Ive stacked the fridge with drinks and have organised the details. 

When the clock strikes midnight and the new year officially begins its tradition for everyone to make a list of promises to themselves and goals for the coming year. Yes, normally its all talk but the last few months I have been working towards my goal for next year for the past couple of months and am excited to officially have change this year! 

I recently read The Perks of Being a Wallflower, my new favourite book of all time. Theres one quote that I think is the most important thing for each of us to remember.

"Every person has to live for his or her own life and then make the choice to share it with other people."

This year has involved a lot of self discovery for me. I have learnt what I love, who I am, who I can trust, and what I believe in. I have been caught in the idea that you have to live your life for and with someone but this year has taught me, like this book, that you have to live your own life and then share each moment with someone meaningful in your life. A friend, a family member, or a lover, find peace in yourself first. 

So this year that is my new years resolution. To find peace and happiness within myself and be happy with myself.