It's Okay.

Today is one of those days where I can recognise my weakness showing through. My stomach is nervous, my mind is running a million miles an hour, and my hands shake. It's days like this that I find it hard to focus on my fitness and eating because my mind is telling me I am not okay and that I do not like what I look like, but shouldn't this be more incentive to train instead of sitting on the couch eating ice-cream. You would think would you?! 

For some reason this week I feel insignificant. I want to prove myself wrong. I want to belong. I want to be loved. I want to bring a light into someones life. I want to be seen as unique, as important and as the one thing someone is missing. You may say your dreaming and maybe I am but one day I know I will feel like I have achieved all this but until then its myself I am working on. You can't expect anyone else to live for you and despite my moments of feeling down the most important thing is that when I'm okay I live and I live for myself because no one else will do that for me. 

Here's an example of how my mind runs away during these times. Do you ever wonder what people think of you when they meet you? Do you ever wonder what your first impression on the people around you is? I do, all the time. I just hope that I come across the way I want to, as a unique individual who has a lot to offer the world. 

The hardest part about this mind games I play with myself is that no matter how self conscious i feel it is the only thing that makes me feel better and be able to push through to the next day, and a fresh morning. 

So here I am eating ice cream and watching my all time favourite movie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. The first time I read this book I fell in love. It helped me through a very tough time and showed me that it is okay to struggle and to feel like you don't belong. It is okay because one day you will find friends who understand you and can pick you up when you are down. It is okay because everyone falls sometimes. The important thing is that you get back up! As the book says, you may feel down or the odd one out sometimes but when you finally feel like you belong everything will be okay and you will be infinite. 

Don't Forget To Believe. .

Believe is the one word I will always carry with me. I think it is extremely important to believe that you have the strength to get through anything and achieve anything you set your mind to. No-one but yourself can prevent you from making your dreams come true. So next time your feeling low or cant see how it could possibly get any better, believe in yourself and you'll find the strength to survive. 

The Challenge Starts Now!

Ok I know I said the challenge starts now but in actual fact for me it started yesterday! I was so anxious about my weigh in and photos that I was sick with nerves and couldn't eat or anything all day. 

Last night I lay awake for hours, my mind runnings a million miles an hour and preventing me from sleeping. When I woke up this morning I was ready early and headed to the gym to try and make it over sooner rather than later. With my luck there was a line so I was left in line for what felt like hours freaking out about being measured and weighed.  

I have this thing where I get so anxious that I make my self sick and shake and I know its going to happen but I cant help it! My nerves got the better of me as soon as the door was closed behind me and I let a few tears escape. I was so embarrassed but the girl was lovely and gave me a huge hug and reminded me to 'believe' just like my tattoo says and just think of the end of the challenge. 

So now I am one day in to the 12 week challenge and I'm ready, ready for change and ready to feel confident in my own skin. Now I'm not the kind of person to do anything half heartily. I either go all in or not at all! So not only will I reach my goal but I am aiming to win this challenge. Im in, all in. 

Health Kick. .

Ok so Its that time of year where I am extremely behind in my state league training after having the season off for an injury. I am determined to reach my goals this season and finally feel good about myself! 

So I have been looking at some health tips and snacks to increase my metabolism. I found these cute and yummy looking snacks on Lauren Conrads blog and these key tips for increasing metabolism!