It's Okay.

Today is one of those days where I can recognise my weakness showing through. My stomach is nervous, my mind is running a million miles an hour, and my hands shake. It's days like this that I find it hard to focus on my fitness and eating because my mind is telling me I am not okay and that I do not like what I look like, but shouldn't this be more incentive to train instead of sitting on the couch eating ice-cream. You would think would you?! 

For some reason this week I feel insignificant. I want to prove myself wrong. I want to belong. I want to be loved. I want to bring a light into someones life. I want to be seen as unique, as important and as the one thing someone is missing. You may say your dreaming and maybe I am but one day I know I will feel like I have achieved all this but until then its myself I am working on. You can't expect anyone else to live for you and despite my moments of feeling down the most important thing is that when I'm okay I live and I live for myself because no one else will do that for me. 

Here's an example of how my mind runs away during these times. Do you ever wonder what people think of you when they meet you? Do you ever wonder what your first impression on the people around you is? I do, all the time. I just hope that I come across the way I want to, as a unique individual who has a lot to offer the world. 

The hardest part about this mind games I play with myself is that no matter how self conscious i feel it is the only thing that makes me feel better and be able to push through to the next day, and a fresh morning. 

So here I am eating ice cream and watching my all time favourite movie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower. The first time I read this book I fell in love. It helped me through a very tough time and showed me that it is okay to struggle and to feel like you don't belong. It is okay because one day you will find friends who understand you and can pick you up when you are down. It is okay because everyone falls sometimes. The important thing is that you get back up! As the book says, you may feel down or the odd one out sometimes but when you finally feel like you belong everything will be okay and you will be infinite. 

Sunflowers and Sun

After the last challenge I am starting the new season with a brighter shade of red and some light curls!

Nothing Has To Be Forever. .

If you believe, anything can happen. Nothing has to last forever. Your future and your life are for you to decide and no one else can take that away from you. If you are determined to make a change and shape your future for the better - start now and don't let anything get in the way. You can change and you can be happy, just you wait and see. 

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Clouds - RIP Zach Sobiech

My Last Days - Zach Sobiech 

This documentary is truly amazing. Words cant explain how much Zach touches your heart. In life we often take things for granted, even life itself but for Zach life was cut too short. However, he didn't let Cancer get the better of him, he fought back with grace. In just a few short years Zach accomplished more than some of us ever will, he followed his dreams and he made them happen. 

It's not often that someone touches your life in a way that is invaluable and permanent, but Zach did just this. It is clear that he left footprints on every person he mets heart. Although it may not seem possible I can promise you watching his story and seeing him speak has touched my heart and influenced my life. 

Zach knew how to live life to the fullest every day. We don't often realise how simple happiness can be. And as Zach says, It is simply bringing a smile to someone else's face. 

Zach wanted to be remembered "as a kid who went down fighting and didn't really lose". Zach didn't lose at all. He accomplished more in his life than I could ever hope to in mine and I hope I touch just one persons life the way he touched so many. 

Just one of his legacy's, his song will be on repeat I promise you, it is truly amazing. 

Suddenly my problems do not matter anymore, thank you for all you taught me Zach. 

Fighting Fit This Easter!

It just so happens that the sixth week, and the week before my half way measurements and weigh in, falls on easter. Now for some this may pose a challenge, but I made the decision when I started this challenge that I wouldn't falter. So far I have stayed strong to this. In fact I have almost ignored easter to make it a little bit easier!

Today though it all became real. There was a hamper of easter eggs delivered from the Grandparents, easter eggs on the table and hot cross buns in the kitchen. So instead of looking at them I drank my protein shake and I went to the gym. . twice. 

This goal is more important than anything to me right now so nothing will get in the way. I believe I can stay strong and complete this challenge and If Im lucky maybe ill even take out the title! So this easter I have replaced chocolate with real eggs and exercise and Im proud of myself! 

My Little Princess. .

It has now been almost a week since my sister and I went to pick up our new family puppy! We are all absolutely smitten with her and shower her in love and affection. She has already created a connection with each one of us and is an absolute angel!

I now cannot imagine life without this little girl and cant wait to see her each day when I get home.

Meet Nala. .

Oh To Be Rich!

In LOVE with these Black Milk Clothing Alice and Wonderland bathers! They would be mine if I was rich!! 

"Play Me, I'm Yours"

You wont always get an invite to take opportunities in life. So don't seek permission or approval. Take a chance and play out your on life to your own accord. 

Can It Last Forever?

Do you ever find yourself in a phrase of your life where everything seems to be going right, so right that it seems too good to be true? I constantly find myself in these phases, although usually it isn't until something shocks me that I realise it simply was too good for too long. 

Things are not meant to be perfect. As Harlan Ellison says "For without pain, there can be no pleasure. Without sadness, there can be no happiness. Without misery there can be no beauty." Or as the talented Passenger says "only need the light when it's burning low, Only miss the sun when it starts to snow, Only know you love her when you let her go, Only know you've been high when you're feeling low, Only hate the road when you’re missin' home."

Although we try to stay away from pain and sadness and live in infinite happiness, it simply is not possible. The most important thing is to remember that you are simply feeling the way you are because out there somewhere, something will show you a feeling that directly contrasts the one you feel now, and that is why it is worth it. 

When i'm down there is one word that can bring me back to life. Believe. Believe in your inner strength, believe in a better world, and believe in the life you are given. 

Puppy Love. .

We visited the puppies again yesterday! I didn't think it was possible but I am more in love with them! They are the most adorable and cuddly things ever and it is so hard to put them down and leave. Meet the three finalists, we love them all so much but one of them will be ours in two short weeks!

Don't Forget To Believe. .

Believe is the one word I will always carry with me. I think it is extremely important to believe that you have the strength to get through anything and achieve anything you set your mind to. No-one but yourself can prevent you from making your dreams come true. So next time your feeling low or cant see how it could possibly get any better, believe in yourself and you'll find the strength to survive. 

A Kick Start To The Day. .

I am almost at the end of the first two weeks of the challenge and surprisingly its been quite easy to maintain. I haven't had any cravings or weak moments and have been training daily, pushing myself and making new goals each time. Im gradually losing more and more each day and the break throughs I  have had are making me excited for the end result. 

One of my favourite meals has to be these protein pancakes topped with fresh berries and greek yoghurt. A delicious, healthy and protein rich start to the day! 

Flowers To End Summer

These lovely flowers are a bright and beautiful end to summer, enough to make any day better!

The Challenge Starts Now!

Ok I know I said the challenge starts now but in actual fact for me it started yesterday! I was so anxious about my weigh in and photos that I was sick with nerves and couldn't eat or anything all day. 

Last night I lay awake for hours, my mind runnings a million miles an hour and preventing me from sleeping. When I woke up this morning I was ready early and headed to the gym to try and make it over sooner rather than later. With my luck there was a line so I was left in line for what felt like hours freaking out about being measured and weighed.  

I have this thing where I get so anxious that I make my self sick and shake and I know its going to happen but I cant help it! My nerves got the better of me as soon as the door was closed behind me and I let a few tears escape. I was so embarrassed but the girl was lovely and gave me a huge hug and reminded me to 'believe' just like my tattoo says and just think of the end of the challenge. 

So now I am one day in to the 12 week challenge and I'm ready, ready for change and ready to feel confident in my own skin. Now I'm not the kind of person to do anything half heartily. I either go all in or not at all! So not only will I reach my goal but I am aiming to win this challenge. Im in, all in. 

Warm Cookies On This Day Of Love. .

Between coming home from work and the girls arriving for our little Valentines day gathering, I had the sudden urge to bake. So out came all the ingredients and my favourite chocolate chip cookie recipe and the mixing begun! I always find baking comforting and what better to make Valentines day without a loved one that much better than with some freshly baked cookies?

I have to say I was pretty pleased with the outcome and I think the girls will appreciate these warm pieces of heaven! 

Happy Valentines day everyone! x 

Valentines Day Is In The Air. .

Valentines day is looming and everyone is busy making romantic plans with the one they love. I have never been into Valentines day but that said it goes without saying that the day is a lot more enjoyable and easy to be excited about, if you have a man in your life. This year Valentines day will be spent with two of my closest friends, a sort of anti-valentines day if you will. 

Personally, I am not the romantic type and I believe that it takes time and strength to establish real love. Today I watched a movie that illustrated everything I have gone through and in a sense showed the journey of self discovery I have been on over the past two years in little under two hours. It posed the question, do you have to love yourself before anyone can love you, or do you have to learn to love others to love yourself? 

It is different for everyone, however I wholeheartedly believe that you need to know and love every part of yourself before you can gain the strength and be comfortable to let someone else in. So whether you are alone or with someone this Valentines day, celebrate the love you have for yourself because loving yourself and being comfortable in your own skin can give you more strength than anything else in the world. 

A New Member Of The Family. .

Today we were introduced to our soon to be puppy! It's been a long time we have been waiting for this since our last beloved dog passed away but when we came across this breeder it seemed it was meant to be! We spent half an hour meeting these gorgeous puppies and I cant wait for the next six weeks to fly by so we can bring our gorgeous baby home! 

Retro Travels . .

I found this amazing 1960's retro suitcase this week! Its a hard shell suitcase by V.I.P and is in fantastic condition. I am constantly looking for affordable pieces to add to my collection and this one will also double as storage for me until I move out and can do something creative with it. This unique piece will soon be mine and I cant wait to take it travelling!

Accessories For Every Mood. .

I find that even when I'm in the worst mood the right combination of accessories can make me feel better instantly! From bangles to hats or simply a cute pair of socks, accessories can transform an outfit and add an abundance of personality. I find I have a couple of go-to accessories that I am known for,  cardigans, hats, and bangles just to name a few. No matter how many options I seem to have I never feel like I have enough accessories and find myself adding to my ever growing collection - but if they can put a bounce in my step I think its worth it! Although it is hard just to choose a few, below are some of my favourite accessories!! 

Tick Tock. .

The nights have been getting very long for me and no number of alarms seem to wake me in the morning. So its time to set the loudest alarm I have and get up for some early starts! Wish me luck!!